


Thor Odinson, God of Fertility, Is Not That Potent

by Maaarken



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), M/M, Mpreg, Pseudo-Incest, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 10:01:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13679439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maaarken/pseuds/Maaarken
Summary: A crackity crack fic for Valentine’s day.In which Thor is potent, Loki is pregnant (again), Frigga and Odin are dumb, and the Aesir like to party a bit too much.





	Thor Odinson, God of Fertility, Is Not That Potent

Ever since Thor had been young, there had been talks of making him god of luck or abundance. Farmers loved when he visited their farms, for the harvest was always plentiful after his passage. Ranchers and breeders always found that their animals would have many youngs after being petted by the young prince. Even the wife of a dignitary, who was barren if the rumour mill of the servants was to be trusted, had birthed triplets less than a year after meeting the prince. Thor had grown in that love and awe that the people had for him, for the fertility he brought with him. Among both the Aesir and the mortals, Thor was known to bring luck and abundance.

As he grew older and became god of the thunder, his reputation only grew stronger. When the soil was arid and parched, Thor would invoke a storm. The rain would fall for a day and a night, and the yield would be bountiful. His thunder was only destructive when it needed to be. If a forest was old and dying, Thor’s thunder would hit the oldest tree and light up a forest fire. The flames would burn down the decaying woodland, but would never touch a house or a field. From the ashes, a young forest would bloom, in time.

Thor became the god of protection when he proved his worth as a warrior, but he never lost his reputation of bringing prosperity. Becoming the god of force and the god of hallowing only reinforced that notoriety.

It was thus no suprise when, one sunny morning, Thor’s voice was heard all over the castle.

“YOU ARE WITH CHILD? Those are wonderful news, my love!”

What was more surprising was the identity of said love. His brother, Loki, shapeshifter, trickster and god of mischief, huffed and stomped on the marble floor.

“You blighted oaf! I said to be silent! Yet you had to bellow like a maimed bilgesnipe!”  
“Brother, forgive me! I can’t control myself, I am too delighted. This is a true blessing!”  
“I am not sure yet. I will have to consult with Mother’s healers. Please do not rejoice yet.”  
“How could I not rejoice?” bawled Thor, a few seconds away from sheding tears of joy. “Do you know what that would mean?”  
“Yes, I do,” replied Loki curtly. “Father will know about us, disown me, and-”  
“Brother, don’t be foolish! This means that we will have a great family. We shall have many children. Just imagine, brother! A little girl with golden hair and emerald eyes. Or little boys with your dark hair and my blue eyes,” beamed the blonde prince.”Everyone in the Nine Realm shall be jealous of our children, of our family.”

Loki allowed himself to smile for a brief moment, imagining the infants Thor was describing. Still, he shook his head in denial.

“We do not know if I really am with child. If I am, we do not know if the babe will be... “ he drawled, unsure of how to finish his sentence. “I am a man, after all.”  
“Do not worry, my love. Our child will be as perfect as you are.”

Thor pressed a soft kiss against his lips, and then dragged him off the see the healers, not minding the stares they got on their way.

This was how the entirety of Asgard knew about the lovechild of the two princes before the sun had even started his setting course. 

Once the pregnancy was confirmed, the Aesir celebrated for two weeks. Thor and his potency was all the Nine Reams talked about for three months and a half, until Loki threatened agony and misery to everyone who asked him what it felt like to be with a man as feracious as Thor.

During the fourth month since the breaking news, Loki and Thor got married. Loki scowled for the whole duration of the wedding, deploring that he was already heavy and fat. Thor declared that the wedding would be celebrated after the birth of their child, so that Loki would be able to partake in the feasts. Of course, there was also a feast to honor his decision to celebrate later.

When Loki gave birth to not one, but two healthy boys, the whole realm was ecstatic. The festivities lasted for a month. Dignitaries and gods came from most of the realms to welcome the two new princes, Narfi and Vali. The twins were covered in gifts and love, and Thor was declared the god of fertility. Every Aesir took pride in the fact that their prince had impregnated another man with not just a child, but two.

After the celebrations for the birth of the twins, Thor and Loki finished to celebrate their wedding. They left on a honeymoon, leaving their children with Frigga and Odin. The Allfather and the Allmother was quite happy to spend quality time with their grandsons.

Less than a year after the end of the honeymoon, Loki was expecting again. The whole realm celebrated again. This time, Loki only bore a son, Sleipnir. The Aesir had never known a high fertility rate, and thus Loki’s second pregnancy was still highly admired.

Two years later, Thor and Loki welcomed another boy into their family. This one they called Jörmungandr. Thor took great pride in his children, as did Loki. But the trickster was tired of bearing so often, and asked that his husband keep his potency in check.

His demands were not met and he found himself to be with child again. Luckily, this time it was a little girl, who was named Hel at Thor’s insistence.

But Loki’s body was getting weak, after bearing five children in as many years. The court healers declared that he should breastfeed Hel for as long as possible, to stave off any risk of another pregnancy. Loki and Thor were both dubious, what with Loki being a man, but the technique seemed to work and Loki had a bit of a respite.

As soon as Loki stopped breastfeeding Hel, he got heavy with yet another child. He was enraged and furious at his husband. The princes got into quite a fight, although no one knows what really happened. It ended up with Thor being stabbed, a week-long thunderstorm and a very public declaration by Loki that “you’re not touching me again until you learn to control your gonads!”

Around the same time as Loki gave birth to the healthy little boy he decided to name Fenrir, Odin and Frigga started to worry about the abnormal rate of pregnancies. Usually Aesir couple had a child every century or so. It was getting worrying, how often Loki became pregnant and how close the pregnancies were to one another. They both knew the love their sons shared for each other, and knew that Loki’s promise to stay away from Thor wouldn’t last long.

It was only one night, as they were “talking” in their royal bed, that the Allcouple realized what had been happening. They stormed the library, waking up too many people on their path.

The royal couple, as brilliant as they tried to be, had forgotten one tiny detail about one of their sons. Loki was adopted. He was not an Aesir, and therefore did not have the same physionomy as them. Some books at the library confirmed their fears: Jotnar could bear children. It wasn’t Thor who was too potent, it was Loki who was too fertile.

They sent emissaries to Jotunheim, eager to learn more about solutions to help Loki. The emissaries came back with dignitaries and a member of the royal family in Jotunheim, who turned out to be Loki’s blood brother.

Odin and Frigga organised a meeting between the Jotnar, Thor, Loki and their six children. There were many tears, screams, tears again, but also mostly relief for Loki when he was given a contraceptive potion. Thor was heartbroken, having secretly hoped to have at least four other children. The admission of his hopes caused a serie of events that included a shapeshifter turned into a serpent, a blargh!, Thor being stabbed (again) and laughing children.

Thor was, however, delighted to know that the contraceptive potion meant the end of the hiatus in their sex life, and quickly hurried to bring his husband in their rooms so he could ravish him. It was probably a good thing he was not present to see his babies touch their Jotun uncle and turn blue.

When Thor and Loki were spent and sweaty and not pregnant, Loki kissed his husband and said, just to have the last word:

“I knew you could not be that potent.”


End file.
